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Loving Ourselves Unconditionally By Melody Beattie

Love yourself into health and a good life of your own. Love yourself into relationships that work for you and the other person. Love yourself into peace, happiness, joy success, and contentment.

Love yourself into all that you always wanted. We can stop treating ourselves the way others treated us, if they behaved in a less than healthy, desirable way. If we have learned to see ourselves critically, conditionally, and in a diminishing and punishing way, it’s time to stop. Other people have treated us that way, but it’s even worse to treat ourselves that way now.

Loving ourselves may seem foreign, even foolish at times. People may accuse us of being selfish. We don’t have to believe them.

People who love themselves are truly able to love others and let others love them. People who love themselves and hold themselves in high esteem are those who give the most, contribute the most, and love the most.

How do we love ourselves? Buy forcing it at first. By faking if necessary. By “acting as if.” By working hard at loving and liking ourselves as we did at not liking ourselves.

Explore what it means to love yourself. Do things for yourself that reflect compassionate, nurturing, self-love.

Embrace and love all of yourself---past, present and future. Forgive yourself quickly and as often as necessary. Encourage yourself. Tell yourself good things about yourself.

If we think and believe negative ideas, get them out in the open quickly and honestly, so we can replace those beliefs with better ones.

Pat yourself on the back when necessary. Discipline yourself when necessary. Ask for help, for time; ask for what you need.

Sometimes, give yourself treats. Do not treat yourself like a pack mule, always pushing and driving harder. Learn to be good to yourself. Choose behaviors with preferable consequences---treating yourself as one.

Learn to stop your pain, even when it means making difficult decisions. Do not unnecessarily deprive yourself. Sometimes, give yourself what you want, just because you want it.

Stop explaining and justifying yourself. When you make mistakes, let them go. We learn, we grow, and we learn some more. And through it all, we love ourselves.

We work at it, and then work at it some more. One day we’ll wake up, look in the mirror, and find that loving ourselves has become habitual. We’re now living with a person who gives and receives love, because that person loves him- or herself. Self-love will take hold and become a guiding force in our life.

Today, I will work at loving myself. I will work hard at loving myself as I have at not liking myself. Help me let go of self-hate and behaviors that reflect not liking myself. Help me replace those with behaviors that reflect self-love. Today, God, help me hold my self in high esteem. Help me know I’m lovable and capable of giving and receiving love.

--An excerpt from Melody Beattie’s Language of Letting Go

What Would You Do Friday

I always considered myself a pretty smart girl, with good values and morals and high
standards. I had made up my mind that I was not going to fall for the okie doke. I had it
all planned out, I was going to finish high school, go to college , fall in love and get
married at the age of 25 and have two kids by the time I was thirty. My husband was
going to be tall, dark and handsome and totally in love with me. In exchange for his love
I was going to present him with my virginity on our wedding night.
Unfortunately it didnʼt turn out quite that way. Instead I was pregnant at seventeen and
a mother at eighteen. A statistic, a big disappointment to myself and my family.
Eventually though I had to get over my disappointment and figure out how to take care
of myself and my daughter. I got a job at the local mall and started Community College.
My life seem to be getting back on track and I started to feel good about myself again. I
met this guy at work and he was really cute and nice. We started flirting with each other
and we became friends. I told him I had a baby but he didnʼt seem to mind. He even
dropped me off home after work a couple of times and met my daughter. He said she
was really cute and funny. He finally asked me out and I eagerly accepted. I was so
excited and must have changed outfits about six times.We went to the movies and
afterwards went to get something to eat. At the end of dinner he asked me if I wanted to
go to a hotel!! I was stunned and insulted. I told him of course not for what?? He was
pissed off! I told him to take me home. In the car on the way home he gave me the
silent treatment. My feelings was crushed. When we pulled up in front of my house. he
turned to me and told me “I donʼt see what the big deal is? Hell you ainʼt no virgin and
you already having sex. You already have a baby so what you saving it for???
WHAT WOULD YOU DO???